Card #1: the smell of Susie’s leftovers
Susie was the queen of leftovers. Her small refrigerator was bursting with the smell of decomposing food. It wasn’t a surprise though. She was a single middle age woman and lived alone. Suzie had a flair for cooking meat-centric family sized meals. Anytime anyone visited they were force-fed leftovers. Her cooking was bland at best and she jammed the food into small Tupperware containers. it had a plastic flavor and gave off a sterile sort of odor. Unless of course, you were unlucky enough to get something from the back of the fridge…. A fine layer of mold adorned it and it reeked of death. In the past, politeness lead me to taking a bite. I imagine the flavor and aroma were comparable to ancient zombie flesh.
Card #2: a beekeeper’s outfit
Susie’s leftover had quite the reputation. When invited to her house, a friend wore a beekeeper’s outfit so he could claim that he couldn’t eat. His glued his netted hood to his puffy bodysuit and he couldn’t take it off. It was obvious he purchased the beekeeper outfit especially for his visit to Susie’s. It was gleaming white like bleached teeth and was so crisp it still had fold lines in it.
Card #3: the taste of Woody Allen’s kiss
My friend heard Susie’s food tasted like kissing Woody Allen. The poor guy went off the deep end because he had an irrational fear of Woody Allen. It stemmed from a Woody Allen film he had seen as a child. Woody Allen was a homeless pedophile that preyed on brown-haired boys. He assumed that Woody Allen’s kiss would taste gritty, sour, slimy, and perverseness. Not that most appetizing though. He confused Woody Allen with Woody from Toy Story and meant that Susie’s food tasted like old plastic.